Allowing ourselves to be as we are.

My son comes home telling me about ‘Naughty Simon’*. My first impulse is to say it’s not nice to speak about someone like that. I then go to explain why that child acts ‘naughty’ due to learning difficulties and impulse control issues.

Reflecting on my response I can see I was trying to change my son’s thoughts. I didn't want him to 'think' or 'speak' that about another child so I was not allowing my son to be as he is. 

When I have my chance again, which I know will occur countless times in our relationship together, I will allow him to feel safe to have those thoughts, no matter how uncomfortable I feel. By allowing a permission field for him to feel whatever comes up for him, I now see that I am also supporting him to experience that all thoughts disappear as quickly as they arise.  

I can see in my own experience that I too have thoughts, that people are ‘naughty’, bad, wrong, mean... Politicians, my peers and even my husband. When I open up the permission field for myself to experience all thoughts without justifying them or wishing them to be more positive, I also experience that they arise and disappear like a line drawn in water. 

I am excited to continue to demonstrate this to my children and in doing so allow my children to be as they are. For me this is true unconditional love. That no matter what thoughts and emotions my children have, I will not try to change them anymore.  I am so grateful to know and see the incredibly beneficial results of raising children in this way. 

*name changed for privacy