One weekend away in Surfers Paradise, Elliot and I headed for an adventure to Currumbin Rock Pools. We walked a little way to reach the beautiful waterfall and rock pools surrounded by rainforest. We were fortunate to stumble on some locals who showed us a natural water slide which drops into a plunge pool. As the locals and my husband had multiple turns, I sat back watching, shaking with fear. I thought to myself, "It looks fun but I am way too scared to ever try that!"
A little nine year old boy bravely climbed up the rocks to attempt the slide. He was shaking profusely and tears streaming down his face. His mum was shouting "You can do it, it's not that scary!" These well intentioned phrases were not helping and the boy was becoming even more petrified.
My husband climbed up to the top of the slide and sat next to the boy, waiting for his turn. I heard my husband calmly say, "You are okay to feel scared and still have a go." Almost immediately the young boy completely relaxed. It was so clear that just having permission to be scared was all that he needed.
I watched him take a deep breath and just like that, he slid into the plunge pool. His head popped up, beaming with joy. He jumped out and began to tell his little sister that it's not that bad and he will help her to have a go too.
The words my husband said, "You are okay to be scared and still have a go," made me ponder about the power I was giving to my own fear. The phrase made me question, “I can be scared? Nothing is wrong? I can still be brave no matter how scared I feel?”
For so long I have chosen not to do things because of my fear. I have missed out on many opportunities because I believed that I could only act if I felt confident or in the absence of fear.
I feel fear a lot. Fear of missing a bus, fear of rejection, fear of failure. So many times I have held myself back because of fear.
I had one last chance to have a turn on the slide before we started to pack up. I decided that I will take on my husbands advice and have a go even though I felt terrified.
I climbed up to the top and sat in the rushing water for quite some time. Shaking and praying to something! Anything! I replayed my husbands sentiment in my mind. “It's okay to be scared.” I pushed myself off and whizzed down into the freezing cold plunge pool. I too popped my head up with a beaming proud smile.
The message to allow fear (along with all thoughts and emotions) to be as it is, is one that my husband and I have been training up in, with the support of the Bright trainings. It is so powerful to know that I can be fearless in the face of fear. To see in my own experience that fear doesn’t need to hold me back anymore. I am fully supported to allow all my fears to be as they are and powerfully move forward with courage, discernment and humility, knowing that no ‘thought’ can ever stop me from being brilliant and of great benefit in the world.
I can see how this profound understanding of the true nature of fear can also support my children. I no longer need to replace their fear with ideas of bravery. They too are empowered to take beneficial action in the face of fear. For example, my daughter is scared of the dark, rather than replacing her fear by repeating, "There is nothing to be scared of,” I can hear her, acknowledge her fear and support her to relax and let fear be as it is. Suddenly, her fear disappears like a line drawn in water and she falls peacefully to sleep feeling safe.
If she was feeling scared in a dangerous circumstance, the practice of allowing fear to be as it is gives her direct access to her own clarity and discernment of how to responsibly and powerfully respond. I see in my own experience that when I am caught up in the fear, I cannot see clearly and therefore cannot act in the most beneficial way.
Whether I am scared of rejection, failure, making mistakes, social awkwardness, social exclusion or dogs in a park! I can completely relax and allow fear to flow on by. The more natural this becomes for me, the easier it is to demonstrate to my children.
For me this is true and unconditional love, allowing my kids to be exactly as they are and not trying to change ANYTHING about them.
It is exciting to live in this way, everything feels possible. I love that my kids get to see that they are not limited by their thoughts and that they can be fearless in the face of fear.
With love,
Vanessa
